Happy 2013!

God Damn!  I’ve been struggling for a week to write this post.  I have been avoiding this blog as a result of a very busy Holiday season and just allowing myself some necessary breathing space.

Needless to say 2012 was powerful year in terms of change, gaining confidence, and clarity.

So as we charge ahead into 2013 may we take the deep learnings from 2012 to allow us to move into the new year with Bold Intentions, Stronger Belief In The Self, and a hearty dose of COMPASSION in those moments we stumble.

This blog may shift slightly – but one of my key learnings is allowing things to just unfold.

2012 Rest In Peace….Onward.

Our Whole Life Could be A Ritual

We could learn to stop when the sun goes down and when the sun comes up. We could learn to listen to the wind; we could learn to notice that it’s raining or snowing or hailing or calm. We could reconnect with the weather that is ourselves, and we could realize that it’s sad. The sadder it is, and the vaster it is, the more our heart opens. We can stop thinking that good practice is when it’s smooth and calm, and bad practice is when it’s rough and dark. If we can hold it all in our hearts, then we can make a proper cup of tea.

-Pema Chodron

Gratitude for it all – whatever it is – this Thanksgiving.

The Way Things Are by Geneen Roth

As I find myself worrying about my life and reliving certain stories – I have come to a place of observing as opposed to reacting or repeating certain patterns – I found this…and it couldn’t come at a more perfect time.

Thank you Geneen for the reminders.

The Way Things Are

1. What you take yourself to be is who you needed to become to survive. Our longing is to know the parts of ourselves we put away before we knew what we were doing.
2. All psychological blocks are doorways to our true nature.
3. What we pay attention to grows.
4. If you spend your life rooting out pain, you will become a hunter of pain, not a finder of joy.
5. Until we examine what we really want, we mistake indulgence (in what we think we want) for freedom.
6. It takes great effort to become effortless at anything.
7. Joy and delight and curiosity must be cultivated, although they are utterly natural states of being.
8. Happiness is an inside job.
9. How you get there is who you will be when you arrive there. And there is no there there.

Keep up the practice,

Sandra

Conviction

The western trend of yoga has diluted much of the conviction and actual hard work involved in the practice.  Emphasis on attire, music, and trendy studios (I believe) has created a lack of truly understanding the essence and work that brings forth benefit from this philosophy and practice.  About 2 months ago I was struggling with the need to conform to meet popular demand in order to continue teaching.  I almost wavered, thinking that in order to teach yoga I had to change,  to blend into what seemed ‘acceptable’ or popular.

I didn’t.

What helped me was a simple motto.  “I want to be a good teacher, NOT, a popular one.”

It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.  

Muhammed Ali

The result?  My staying true to what I believe in, in my heart – and who I am as a teacher resulted in a revered Ashtanga based studio, to invite me to come teach there – not because I am popular, but because of my convictions and style of teaching.

The lesson?  Once you find your niche and believe in it with your whole heart – stay true to it.

You may come across a moment in your life that you find yourself having to answer a question that might challenge your beliefs or begin to do something that just doesn’t feel right or align to your values.  You feel it in your body….this IS awareness and intuition.  Learn how to listen to it.

Don’t cave.

A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.

Mahatma Gandhi

Whether you are a teacher, entreprenuer, artist, or professional – stick to your beliefs and values once you define them.  You will find that the people you draw towards you, whether they are clients or customers, will be easier to work with because they believe what you believe, and they become your stewards.

Cross Bridges As You Come To Them

While goals are important it is important to remember to be grounded in exactly where you are.  In our attempt to plan,  we create bridges to cross that are based on assumptions. Wheels begin to spin and often we begin to over anticipate, over communicate, and create more chaos than is necessary.

Stay steady in exactly where you are and be wise in decisions.  Don’t rope yourself and others into what is unknown.  Change is inevitable between point A and B.

Cross Bridges When You Arrive To Them

Eventually you will be presented with just the right amount of information you need to make a choice.  Until then stay steady…when the time comes…TRUST that you will know exactly what to do – because…you WILL.

Keep up the practice,

Sandra

Wellesley High School 2012 Graduation Commencement Speech by David McCullough , Jr.

This speech is not only relevant to those of Wellesley High School graduation class of 2012, this speech is relevant to anyone looking to better understand meaning and happiness in this thing called life. ~ Enjoy

Wellesley High School English teacher David McCullough, Jr.’s faculty speech to the Class of 2012 last Friday. Here it is, in its entirety, courtesy of Mr. McCullough:

Dr. Wong, Dr. Keough, Mrs. Novogroski, Ms. Curran, members of the board of education, family and friends of the graduates, ladies and gentlemen of the Wellesley High School class of 2012, for the privilege of speaking to you this afternoon, I am honored and grateful. Thank you.

So here we are… commencement… life’s great forward-looking ceremony. (And don’t say, “What about weddings?” Weddings are one-sided and insufficiently effective. Weddings are bride-centric pageantry. Other than conceding to a list of unreasonable demands, the groom just stands there. No stately, hey-everybody-look-at-me procession. No being given away. No identity-changing pronouncement. And can you imagine a television show dedicated to watching guys try on tuxedos? Their fathers sitting there misty-eyed with joy and disbelief, their brothers lurking in the corner muttering with envy. Left to men, weddings would be, after limits-testing procrastination, spontaneous, almost inadvertent… during halftime… on the way to the refrigerator. And then there’s the frequency of failure: statistics tell us half of you will get divorced. A winning percentage like that’ll get you last place in the American League East. The Baltimore Orioles do better than weddings.)

But this ceremony… commencement… a commencement works every time. From this day forward… truly… in sickness and in health, through financial fiascos, through midlife crises and passably attractive sales reps at trade shows in Cincinnati, through diminishing tolerance for annoyingness, through every difference, irreconcilable and otherwise, you will stay forever graduated from high school, you and your diploma as one, ‘til death do you part.

No, commencement is life’s great ceremonial beginning, with its own attendant and highly appropriate symbolism. Fitting, for example, for this auspicious rite of passage, is where we find ourselves this afternoon, the venue. Normally, I avoid clichés like the plague, wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot pole, but here we are on a literal level playing field. That matters. That says something. And your ceremonial costume… shapeless, uniform, one-size-fits-all. Whether male or female, tall or short, scholar or slacker, spray-tanned prom queen or intergalactic X-Box assassin, each of you is dressed, you’ll notice, exactly the same. And your diploma… but for your name, exactly the same.

All of this is as it should be, because none of you is special.

You are not special. You are not exceptional.

Contrary to what your u9 soccer trophy suggests, your glowing seventh grade report card, despite every assurance of a certain corpulent purple dinosaur, that nice Mister Rogers and your batty Aunt Sylvia, no matter how often your maternal caped crusader has swooped in to save you… you’re nothing special.

Yes, you’ve been pampered, cosseted, doted upon, helmeted, bubble-wrapped. Yes, capable adults with other things to do have held you, kissed you, fed you, wiped your mouth, wiped your bottom, trained you, taught you, tutored you, coached you, listened to you, counseled you, encouraged you, consoled you and encouraged you again. You’ve been nudged, cajoled, wheedled and implored. You’ve been feted and fawned over and called sweetie pie. Yes, you have. And, certainly, we’ve been to your games, your plays, your recitals, your science fairs. Absolutely, smiles ignite when you walk into a room, and hundreds gasp with delight at your every tweet. Why, maybe you’ve even had your picture in the Townsman! [Editor’s upgrade: Or The Swellesley Report!] And now you’ve conquered high school… and, indisputably, here we all have gathered for you, the pride and joy of this fine community, the first to emerge from that magnificent new building…

But do not get the idea you’re anything special. Because you’re not.

The empirical evidence is everywhere, numbers even an English teacher can’t ignore. Newton, Natick, Nee… I am allowed to say Needham, yes? …that has to be two thousand high school graduates right there, give or take, and that’s just the neighborhood Ns. Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are graduating about now from more than 37,000 high schools. That’s 37,000 valedictorians… 37,000 class presidents… 92,000 harmonizing altos… 340,000 swaggering jocks… 2,185,967 pairs of Uggs. But why limit ourselves to high school? After all, you’re leaving it. So think about this: even if you’re one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion that means there are nearly 7,000 people just like you. Imagine standing somewhere over there on Washington Street on Marathon Monday and watching sixty-eight hundred yous go running by. And consider for a moment the bigger picture: your planet, I’ll remind you, is not the center of its solar system, your solar system is not the center of its galaxy, your galaxy is not the center of the universe. In fact, astrophysicists assure us the universe has no center; therefore, you cannot be it. Neither can Donald Trump… which someone should tell him… although that hair is quite a phenomenon.

“But, Dave,” you cry, “Walt Whitman tells me I’m my own version of perfection! Epictetus tells me I have the spark of Zeus!” And I don’t disagree. So that makes 6.8 billion examples of perfection, 6.8 billion sparks of Zeus. You see, if everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless. In our unspoken but not so subtle Darwinian competition with one another–which springs, I think, from our fear of our own insignificance, a subset of our dread of mortality — we have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement. We have come to see them as the point — and we’re happy to compromise standards, or ignore reality, if we suspect that’s the quickest way, or only way, to have something to put on the mantelpiece, something to pose with, crow about, something with which to leverage ourselves into a better spot on the social totem pole. No longer is it how you play the game, no longer is it even whether you win or lose, or learn or grow, or enjoy yourself doing it… Now it’s “So what does this get me?” As a consequence, we cheapen worthy endeavors, and building a Guatemalan medical clinic becomes more about the application to Bowdoin than the well-being of Guatemalans. It’s an epidemic — and in its way, not even dear old Wellesley High is immune… one of the best of the 37,000 nationwide, Wellesley High School… where good is no longer good enough, where a B is the new C, and the midlevel curriculum is called Advanced College Placement. And I hope you caught me when I said “one of the best.” I said “one of the best” so we can feel better about ourselves, so we can bask in a little easy distinction, however vague and unverifiable, and count ourselves among the elite, whoever they might be, and enjoy a perceived leg up on the perceived competition. But the phrase defies logic. By definition there can be only one best. You’re it or you’re not.

If you’ve learned anything in your years here I hope it’s that education should be for, rather than material advantage, the exhilaration of learning. You’ve learned, too, I hope, as Sophocles assured us, that wisdom is the chief element of happiness. (Second is ice cream… just an fyi) I also hope you’ve learned enough to recognize how little you know… how little you know now… at the moment… for today is just the beginning. It’s where you go from here that matters.

As you commence, then, and before you scatter to the winds, I urge you to do whatever you do for no reason other than you love it and believe in its importance. Don’t bother with work you don’t believe in any more than you would a spouse you’re not crazy about, lest you too find yourself on the wrong side of a Baltimore Orioles comparison. Resist the easy comforts of complacency, the specious glitter of materialism, the narcotic paralysis of self-satisfaction. Be worthy of your advantages. And read… read all the time… read as a matter of principle, as a matter of self-respect. Read as a nourishing staple of life. Develop and protect a moral sensibility and demonstrate the character to apply it. Dream big. Work hard. Think for yourself. Love everything you love, everyone you love, with all your might. And do so, please, with a sense of urgency, for every tick of the clock subtracts from fewer and fewer; and as surely as there are commencements there are cessations, and you’ll be in no condition to enjoy the ceremony attendant to that eventuality no matter how delightful the afternoon.

The fulfilling life, the distinctive life, the relevant life, is an achievement, not something that will fall into your lap because you’re a nice person or mommy ordered it from the caterer. You’ll note the founding fathers took pains to secure your inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness–quite an active verb, “pursuit”–which leaves, I should think, little time for lying around watching parrots rollerskate on Youtube. The first President Roosevelt, the old rough rider, advocated the strenuous life. Mr. Thoreau wanted to drive life into a corner, to live deep and suck out all the marrow. The poet Mary Oliver tells us to row, row into the swirl and roil. Locally, someone… I forget who… from time to time encourages young scholars to carpe the heck out of the diem. The point is the same: get busy, have at it. Don’t wait for inspiration or passion to find you. Get up, get out, explore, find it yourself, and grab hold with both hands. (Now, before you dash off and get your YOLO tattoo, let me point out the illogic of that trendy little expression–because you can and should live not merely once, but every day of your life. Rather than You Only Live Once, it should be You Live Only Once… but because YLOO doesn’t have the same ring, we shrug and decide it doesn’t matter.)

None of this day-seizing, though, this YLOOing, should be interpreted as license for self-indulgence. Like accolades ought to be, the fulfilled life is a consequence, a gratifying byproduct. It’s what happens when you’re thinking about more important things. Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you. Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly. Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do others, the rest of the 6.8 billion–and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with the recognition that you’re not special.

Because everyone is.

Congratulations. Good luck. Make for yourselves, please, for your sake and for ours, extraordinary lives.

David McCullough

Lost In Attachment: The lesson of Aparigraha

Intense, unexpected suffering passes more quickly than suffering that is apparently bearable, the latter goes on for years and, without our noticing, eats away at our soul, until, one day we are no longer to free ourselves from the bitterness and it stays with us for the rest of our lives. ~ Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Aparigraha, can often be referred to as non-clinging, non-hoarding, non-attachment, non-covetousness, or non-grasping.  It can be referenced to the non-acceptance of gifts or non-acquisition of material objects. Not to be confused with not accepting any gifts or renounce all your material possessions; gifts should be non-binding, so you are not indebted to anyone for it or anyone to you – it should be given freely.  Additionally, it’s not that you shouldn’t have material possessions,  or you should get rid of them all, the question is…do they own you?

Recently, I had been struggling with getting attached to repetitive thoughts that have resurfaced as a result of some major life changes that include: career, moving, marriage, and let’s just throw in having a baby for good measure.  I think Bob Harris (Bill Murray) said it best in the movie Lost In Translation regarding having kids, “Your life.  As you know it.  Is Gone.  Never to return.”

In my efforts to push away these thoughts which created anxiety, I found myself grasping aimlessly at ideas. Ideas of what my life SHOULD be right now, what my practice SHOULD be,  feelings of inadequacy, not getting anywhere, KNOWING what I wanted, and that perhaps I should go back to my corporate job and get off the track that I was on.  Seriously, I bought into my own deviant marketing (which can often happen when the mind goes into default mode) hook, line, and sinker.

This point...this exact moment - is GOOD. Tapping into these emotions is exactly what we need to do in order to experience, detach, and embrace change.

This burying/pushing was a FAIL.  By burying these negative thoughts into my consciousness they got pushed down further into my subconscious – and this manifested in me not feeling so hot both mentally and physically many months later.  I literally would feel deflated, dull, exhausted, and come home from practice and just want to sleep, or sometimes be angry.  The thoughts kept showing up, and soon I was in the midst of an identity crisis, as if my world was falling in on me.

This is, after all, what the yoga practice does.  It bubbles this stuff up. The physical practice releases an incredible amount of energy that’s been stored in tissues, the mind, and in parts of the body that hold stress. The idea of feeling better – may often require that we feel worse.  The practice of yoga provides tools through the yamas and niyamas for skillfull living, and the ability to help us confront and extract/detach from these emotions.   Tim Feldman recently wrote and article in Elephant Journal, called The Mistaken Expectation Of Joy In Yoga –  and the article couldn’t have come timely enough for me. It was just what I needed to remind me that all that I was feeling was part of the human experience and part of change.

I remember when I was in Portland, OR, my teacher said in passing to a student, "Getting attached to an idea is dangerous." DING DING DING DING DING!

It was time for me to start doing some the hard work which means actually meeting these thoughts and emotions and truly experiencing them so they could move on and up.  So…I got to work.

Confronting myself:

  1. Practicing ‘be’ not ‘do’: Going. Doing. Forward. Faster. Better. But. Wait. Go Back. Back there.  I  got caught in the web of the future and the comfort of the past.  We really can’t have profound effect on our future, until we can BE here. Simple law of Karma – our actions here  – effect there.   It was time for me to hunker down and become aware so I could determine what those actions needed to be. Remembering this, was like slapping myself in the head and saying, “Silly girl, tricks are for kids!”
  2. Be honest & kind. By being honest, we cultivate integrity and by being kind we cultivate love – with both of these assets it is a lot easier to surrender to what is and what might come.  I was NOT being honest or kind to myself…so this was something I needed.
  3. Achievements: If we are going to look at our past – we should do so in a way that is productive.  Taking a look at past achievements is a reminder of what we have overcome and accomplished.
  4. Gratitude:  People say it all the time…but it works.  We often need to reminded of what it is we do have as opposed to what we don’t.  Make the list.
  5. Compassion:  We need to quit being so hard on ourselves.  Compassion is the cornerstone of Buddhism and is critical in helping us adapt to change and stay grounded in the midst of upheaval.  Time for some self-love basically.

By completely meeting ourselves where we are at (in the moment) with friendliness and compassion, without judging, and without pushing it away, we are able to come into the calm of awareness.  The minute I did this, the emotions passed through me and I felt a strong sense of relief and a sense of wide open space.  It is in this place that the work for change in the right direction can really happen – a place of fertile ground.

Positive actions to manifest change:

  1. “Team work makes the dream work”:  Get support. There are people in our lives that can help us reach goals,  identify areas that need improvement, and integrate change – USE THEM.  For me this meant talking to my husband and reaching out to a mentor/yoga teacher. We can not do it alone.
  2. Write down goals/dreams:   When we are overwhelmed by our thoughts – it’s hard to see the forest through the tree’s – we need to pull up and out, and get a bird’s-eye view.  Beginning to write down goals/dreams helps us see where we would like to go and provides perspective.  This is a positive action which also creates momentum.
  3. Create an action plan for realizing these dreams.  If you need to create stages – create stages – but make a plan (I like to call this a strategy),  that has actionables that are achievable so you don’t set yourself up for failure.  Again – a coach, mentor, husband, or kick ass problem solving best friend can help with this.
  4. Identify areas that need improvement and integrate change. For me this included improved time management, career, social life, and learning.  Having a kid rocked my world on all these fronts.  It was time to get control again.
  5. Be Accountable. Accountability is critical in for actionables to happen…otherwise…NADA.  When I am accountable for my actions, I am more likely to succeed. I report to the folks that are supporting me.
  6. Steadiness:  Lately I can’t stop thinking of manning a boat “Steady she goes”.   Once we have a direction, we need steadiness to navigate through water and atmospheric conditions –  and the weather is always changing.

Integrating change is practice – because we often have some unlearning to do and this is often un-easy and met with resistance.  However,  the biggest transformations take a long time…this is why we keep showing up and doing the work…every day is different – body different, mind different, energy different.

This IS it.  NOW.

Manifest Destiny.

Creative Potential

“Yoga releases the creative potential of Life.  It does this by establishing a structure for self realization, by showing how we can progress along the journey, and by opening a sacred vision of the Ultimate, of our Divine Origin, and final Destiny.  That Light that yoga sheds on Life is something special.  It is transformative.  It does not just change the way we see things; it transforms the person who sees. It brings knowledge and elevates it to wisdom.”

B.K.S Iyengar, Light on Life

The above leaves me speechless – what more does one need to ramble on about the wonder of this thing called yoga – he said it ALL right there.

On Discipline

In Jainism, Kevala Jñāna (Sanskrit: केवलज्ञान) or Kevala Ṇāṇa (Jain Prakrit: केवल णाण), "Perfect or Absolute Knowledge", is the highest form of knowledge that a soul can attain.

DISCIPLINE: ORIGIN Middle English (in the sense [mortification by scourging oneself] ): via Old French from Latin disciplina ‘instruction, knowledge,’ from discipulus (see disciple ).

Recently there was an article in the Wall Street Journal regarding French parents vs. American parents.  It was an article on discipline, and how we approach it differently as a culture. What I found interesting is the French don’t see the word discipline as punishment but rather as ‘educating’. In a nutshell the article was about how French parents teach their children how to wait; in a restaurant, at home, at the park, in public, while their parent is on the phone etc…This struck a huge chord for me, particularly someone who practices Ashtanga vinyasa and who is a new parent.

Several weeks ago I had a discussion with a colleague regarding  a friend of hers who went to a Mysore class and was told to stop and take rest by the teacher.  My colleague said, “can you image how that made her feel?”. Of course this did not sit well with this student, she is an ‘advanced yogi’ right?  More than likely they suffered a mild sense of humiliation, was confused, and or wanted to prove that they knew what they were doing.  She never returned.

There are no other yoga practices that I’ve experienced where a teacher will tell a student to stop mid way through. There is a reason for this in the Ashtanga system, and understanding it is an important part of the practice, and also part of the Hatha yoga lineage of teacher/ student relationship. It is easy for us to succumb to the emotion, to be angry, or have the desire to continue – this is the ego.  How we handle being told ‘NO’, ‘Please wait’, or ‘Stop’ – IS part of the learning.

I have been teaching regularly now for only a little over 2 years and practicing for 12 – and through teaching and practicum, completely realize and value the Ashtanga lineage and system.  There is no ambiguity, and nothing superfluous within the system/series. Every breath and asana is a ‘prescription’. The practice is an incredible teacher.  It has ‘worked’ in terms of taming my bad habits and or completely making me honest and aware of them, particularly my patience. See, I can be a big brat.  I want it NOW. Give it to me NOW. Like full on Veruca Salt.  This has been something that my practice has helped me discern, and yes, being humbled in the process was critical in in this lesson.

We live in a world and culture where we are rewarded just for participating, and can get what we want when we want.  Learning to be at ease with not getting what we want (which is desire) is a mastery of the senses and part of real life.  The real good stuff requires time, devotion, dedication, and discipline (higher knowledge) – because “the sweet just ain’t as sweet without the sour.”

From what I have learned in my own practice, the yoga (the yoking) is what happens through the practice and implementation of the 8 limbs (which take learning), and the teaching of a traditional yoga lineage (Hatha, Ashtanga, Iyengar, Sivananda, traditional Vinyasa Krama, etc…)  is similar to that of a martial art. There is a highly regarded teacher, who helps students understand the etiquette, discipline, respect, self-confidence, and breathing and meditation techniques of that lineage.

Similar to that of a martial art, in Ashtanga there is a series of progression (1st – 6th series), each has it’s reason for existence and different effects on the gross, subtle, and causal bodies.   Also, this teacher, sensei, guru is a transmitter of a lineage, and generally there is an import of honor there (which is a discipline).  In most martial art centers or traditional yoga studios there are images of their master teachers, honoring them. I value this and I like knowing where it all came from.

If you have ever had a great teacher you have experienced first hand that the relationship between you and them becomes stronger over time. A good teacher can help you overcome many obstacles during your (life)time practicing (physically and mentally), introduce humility to an overzealous student (something very hard for our culture), and encourage a student who is ready for new challenges to step out of the comfort zone.  These teachers are hard to find, and in my mind, extremely valuable.

I can only write from my own experience…and after thinking deeply about this and from practicing other styles of ambiguous asana yoga in my early years, it is the Ashtanga lineage that has provided me the most in terms of foundation, discipline, humility, and courage. In thinking back on my colleague’s friend who went to the Mysore practice – I would have asked some hard questions. “Why did you feel uncomfortable?  What was it that made you not want to go back?”  Chances are those answers and some hard self-study would reveal that the Ashtanga system is exactly what that student would need in order to change ‘pre-conditioned’ notions and patterns deep inside.    An advanced yogi is always a beginner, doesn’t have to contort their body into advanced postures, can detach from a practice, has nothing to prove, can just be with exactly what is.

“It’s in those places of discomfort where the teacher exists”, my other friend Josh would say. Ashtanga, is not all gooey and lovey most of the time,  and  it’s not very democratic. It’s made me fall on my head, stomach, laugh out loud, swear like a truck driver, bust out in tears, and sometimes just step away…it is in that very relationship that I have journeyed into deep corners of my mind and body to unearth truths that I did not believe or know existed about me (some gorgeous and some that needed discarding).  It’s taken me nearly 12 years to realize it to this level. It requires us to be in those places of discomfort to question, move through, evolve, find ease, so that the learning presents itself and the mind becomes sharp.

For me, the word discipline no longer has a negative connotation, but rather implies action and awareness on my part.  As a new parent I want to ensure my daughter LEARNS how to be with herself in the times of discomfort. How I handle NO or PLEASE WAIT is how I will teach her.   Consistency, discernment, repeating, confronting, pushing aside distractions, being with, and learning,  are words I associate with discipline.  I am far more comfortable being rejected, turned down, told no, and respecting a teacher that tells me to wait – it takes awareness and practice – and sometimes I ‘lose it’ – but I can bring myself back far easier than before.  I am not above or below – but exactly where I am.  I am so thankful that I have the ability to see this now – because not only does it make me a better friend, parent, student, and teacher…it makes me a better human.